.: Happy Birthday Frank :.

Happy Birthday Frank!

I wish you all the best..

With all the love in the world..

Meanwhile, i finished the book..

i miss him still, even when i am in the club..

when so may people around me..

yes, my heart is empty..

his space is empty..

and this is the cd cover i designed for him as well..

and this is the wrap together with the book and the cd..

I called him earlier to wish him happy birthday, but he did not pick up..

As I closed and wrapped the book this morning..My heart ached..

This is supposed to be the end of everything..

Closed chapters, closed memories and stories..

I am supposed to get going and moving with my life..

But, i dont feel the excitement..

I know that i can not keep living in the past like this..

Damn..

But I trust in my Lord..

Let Him heals and let Him enable me..

Lord,

I will trust in You!

.: My Prayer :.

I have tried..

But then i failed..

I have walked far enough..

Run..

And hide..

Yet it still follows..

Now i really turn to my God..

Lord please help me..

Wrap me up in your hand..

And give your mercy for me..

I just wanna be with You..

In your presence..

Take me Lord..

Heal me Lord..

.: It is Over :.

It is over..

Totally over..

He cancelled out the number..

The number that we used to have together..

In our family plan..

We do not have anything together anymore..

It is officially over..

I am officially missing him..

Lord, please give me strength..

.: Revival and the FIN:.

Frank is back.. =)

Here in the states..

He sent me a text and then called me..

Will he be back though?

Here in my heart?

Who knows what would happen next..

But, at least he is back..

closer to me physically..

Yesterday..

I read the post i made on facebook before for Thom,

And I am reminded..

I should not be bitter to the love of my life..

I should be happy to be able to love whole-heartedly..

I was eager to love..

and I had a bigger heart to give..

I should be eager to let go..

and I should be a bigger person to carry this feeling on..

He might come back

He might not..

I should not love the love that hurts..

I should know when to stop..

and when to let go..

I wish you happiness..

If you will never come back..

And I will welcome you back here..

If you ever come back..

I LOVE YOU

.: I am holding on to the Lord :.

I am holding on to my Lord..

I am putting my hope to my Lord..

I am leaving it up to the Lord..

My strength, my shelter and my joy..

Lord,

Take over, please take over..

=)

.: Apology :.

I sent an apology to Thom..

One that i initiated..

One that i write with tears..

One that i write most sincerely..

One that i write with the same feelings as he felt..

I sent him a message because of Frank..

I love him too much..

I want him back..

Want him back..

Pray for me, to be able to endure the pain..

.: What We Have :.

Things we have done,

Marks we have left,

Times we have spent,

Nights we have prayed,

Dreams we have dreamt,

Words we have said,

Paths we have gone through,

Efforts we have put,

Love you have given,

To me..

I will cherish those..

I will cherish those..

Here I am again, 

Alone in my room..

Listening to your song soundly,

And once again i realize..

I LOVE YOU

.: Losing :.

I know i have not been a really consistent writer..
And i also know that i always come back to write whenever i have my problems,
But is not that is the function of blogs? This is like my secret diary that i keep track and just comeback when i dont have anyone else to talk to..
Well it is not that i do not have anyone to talk to, but i need to talk to people who do not judge me..
And just be there to listen and see me cry..

I just ended another relationship with this guy named Frank..
In the beginning i just never thought that i would like him as much, i always thought that Khiang is more suitable
and a better match for me..
But things changed..
After my trip to SF to visit him, i started to fall for him..
Just right when i thought i was going to end everything with him, I fell for him..
And just right when i start falling for him, he left me..
With all the stupid, funny yet loving memories..

I do not know why do i like him this much, and i never thought i would..
This is just insane..
He did not treat me that right..
He is so high tempered and self centered..
But who cares and what matters?
I do not have him anymore..
I just hate the fact that He lied to me since the very beginning..
I hope that things are started differently, no rush, and just enjoying each other company..

Why did i trust him?
Why did i be so naive..
Well im only human..
Why we always have to be cautious to anyone around us?
This is not how the life supposed to be..
Why cant we just be happy??
Why are things always coming along our way to blow up the happiness?

I am feel at lost..
Losing someone that was always there for me..
Losing someone that i thought really love me..
Losing someone who always gets angry at me in stupid things i do..
But i know it doesnt have to be him..
It can be someone else..
Someone better??

I just need someone..
A simply unique guy,
Strong enough to hold me tight..
Gentle enough to treat me right..

Pray for me, I am at lost..